Ahhh

I'm feeling in 2 minds about everything
on one hand i'm really looking forward to going back to uni...
i dont think i could stay in my job much longer (im not sure i'll make it through the 3 days I have left, it seems so close yet so far)
and im looking forward to getting back into education and 'bettering' myself again
one more step to where i want to be

On the other hand im completely scared...
worried I wont fit back into education, i wont work hard enough, or i've forgotten too much
i wont have any friends, and feel really lonely and wish i had never gone back to somewhere i was so happy, and end up tarring my whole time at Essex if it goes badly...
worried about getting a balance with everything, the money issue, and the jobs issue...

And overall, I was SO looking forwad to going back for so long, wishing the last 8 months away, infact, 12 months and thinking 'i'll be happier when i go back' what if im not happier?? what if i built it up too much??
i should be like my friend and just not have expectations...
oh dear... this one is a bit more of a personal blog, but i felt it needed to be said :)
xxx

Hospital Trip

Hello!

Well I was meant to update AGES ago, but things got a bit out of hand! Oppps...

Anyway, thought I would update with my little hospital visit. It was a bit unexpected, I just had a pain for a few days, and Mum made me go to the doctor... anyway, he thought it was serious, so i ended up in hospital that evening... but I didn't get a bed until 8pm, and i hadn't even seen a doctor and i was put on an iv and told to stay overnight.... wha??? It was a weird pain, a cross between a period pain and trapped wind, which is why i had left it so long.... and I thought, this will be embarrassing when it turns out to be nothing... and the iv hurt.... a lot...

Anyway, in the night a nurse had stolen some blood (naughty) and kept waking me up every 2 hours to take my blood pressure and temperature and god knows what else... and at 7am a doctor came round and told me i had an infection in my blood... i was surprised it was anything serious, but relieved they knew what it was... as it huuuurrt... they still weren't sure exactly what it was, so they decided to put a camera in my bellybutton to have a lookie around..

anyway.. turns out it was my appendix! woo.... the ward wasn't very nice, bit noisy and busy and wasn't good when ur in pain and i was put on an 'emergency list' so i just had to wait around until there was a gap... luckily i didn't wait too long... but the whole going into the room where they put you to sleep is scary... and it felt horrible as you could feel as the liquids enter ur arms, the thing that makes u go to sleep was REALLY cold, and the morphine BURNED as it went through my veins...

I woke up in recovery, thinking I had fallen asleep at my desk at work... and nearly threw up with the pain!! cue strong drugs. An hour later I was back in the ward, not really sure what had happened.... a doctor came round a bit later and said it was my appendix - which is supposed to be the size of a little worm and mine was like a big slug... lovely... but it was too perferated to take out by keyhole, so they had to cut me open, so I've got a nice long scar....

I was later moved to a ladies ward called Eastwood which I spent the rest of thurs, Fri and most of sat in... i didn't really like it, i could hardly move and felt bored and stranded.... plus they kept putting this big injection in my stomach that felt like burning... apparently it was to stop clotting or something....

I did have a hot Dr called Myles :) and there was a hottish Dr who walked past me when I went on a trip to the maternity ward entrance dragging my iv stand, and spotted fathers proudly phoning everyone in their phonebook... anyway, the hottish Dr said he recognised me, and asked how my appendix was... I was slightly confused as i'd never met him, but he said he'd been in the op... and i was like... erm.... shouldn't u have been looking at my appendix not my face?

and my consultant was Dr Grey... just like Greys anatomy... wooo

anyway... I was let out on Sat, on my mothers birthday, and managed to get home for the first Xfactor... lol

Sooooo, I'll end with a pic of one of my Ivs, I had about 7 in the end cos they kept tissuing because I have small veins, was SO painful, had to have a child's one in the end... and I had mega bruises on my hands for the next couple of weeks!!!

Back to work tomorrow (7th Sept 2009! wooo!) after 2 weeks off, actually looking forward to seeing other humans again!!! x